Parallel. Alpha Version (story)

Good day, Stopgamovites! I have one hobby – I write poetry, friends like it, but I do not pursue the recognition of the great poet. So, I decided to write a story. I love science fiction, and the story will be in the same genre.

I want to introduce to your attention the beginning of this story and ask that you would say how it is. There is very little text so far, but the plot has formed in my head, I will state its brief description under the main text. You should not point out grammatical mistakes – I already know that they are, I ask for opinions about the content itself.

0.
Hello, dear friends. Life is a complex and amazing thing, which no one managed to know to the end, and hardly anyone can. However, I advanced in understanding the faces of life much further than ordinary mortals. What happened to me is impossible to imagine in a terrible dream. I want to tell you about this, in the last minutes of my existence … in this reality.

1.
-Well, what are you standing.
-What? A…
-We will be late! – Anya muttered displeasedly, sniffed.
It turns out that for 5 minutes I was standing by the kiosk with a decayed cigarette in my hand, and Anna was waiting for me around the turn of the house, at which there was a stop. The sun was fried inconspicuously: a joke, plus thirty -two in May?
-Do not be angry, sun, I just thought, – I said guiltyly, smiling guiltily.
He thought. Come on, thinker, moved, otherwise we will be late for the bus.
Having thrown off the stupor, I followed Anna. Anna is my girlfriend, if someone has not guessed yet.
Having reached the stop, we saw a crowd of waiting. The battle for places in the cabin promised to be hot, but we, having consulted, decided to miss this mass were the first, and climb the last. And so long minutes of waiting in the sun reached out. Finally the bus drove up, smoke like a steam locomotive with exhaust gases. As soon as the bulk, we hut on the bus, gloomy from the further prospect of going in the microwave, went to the door of the bus. Anna deftly jumped onto the first step and, although with difficulty, climbed into the salon.
I did not show my meager acrobatic skills and just climbed, in the old fashioned way. More precisely, I wanted to climb. I stumbled, to be even more accurate. Stumbled and hit his head right a bus step.

2.
How much I lay unconscious, I could not answer under the muzzle of a gun. However, having opened my eyes, I saw that the sun was closed by clouds.
“Strange,” I thought, and got to my feet.
I saw me, to put it mildly, shocked. Firstly, somewhere a stop with a bus, people and, most importantly, with Anya. Secondly, I stood in the middle of some kind of hangar, just not ordinary, trimmed with tin, but as if built of sand or clay.
I could not think rationally at that moment, since my head ached after the blow, and I just went forward, examining the place where I found myself not known how it was known. My steps echoed from the walls, creating the impression that I was not alone here. Lamps and torches hung on the walls, alternating.
They did not burn, but there was enough light from the sun taken by the clouds, which was visible through a wide hole in the high ceiling. The images were also visible on the walls, but I did not approach them, in a hurry to quickly go out into the ore. I was twenty of the way out of the exit-input, as I heard shots coming from the street.

That’s how it is all ..
The plot is in finalcountdowncasino.uk the future: as you have already noticed, GG was not clear how it was not clear where. But not in your body. He ended up in a parallel world, in the body of one of “then I will come up with”. I must say right away that this “someone” will be killed and the GG will return back to his universe and the body learning that no more than three (perhaps another figure) has passed since its “flight”. Thinking that he just thought it, he will forget about it and begin to live as he lived before. But these outbreaks will occur again and again, and each time it will appear in a strange body. How to explain all this I will come up with, this is only 10% of the plot action.

That’s all, I’m waiting for reviews and an answer to the question: is it worth it to continue; Was you interested in the beginning and the “alpha version” of the plot?

The best comments

What images? What was depicted there? Than depicted?
When reading, these questions immediately pop up, but there is no answer to them in the text.

You wrote that he woke up in his body.
However, in the text of the GG, it did not notice this and did not notice something?
Although not to notice that you are not in your body, I think it’s difficult.

The main pickup is a meager number of details, on the basis of which the picture of what is happening in the imagination of the reader should be built.

You have already made a whole story here, and you wanted a story. I advise you to first fill your hand on the story of the size of one two pages, and each of them must be polished to perfection. Then you can already come up with more colorful epithets and metaphors to increase the artistic value of your story.
And if you immediately take up the volume work, then ..
Firstly, most likely your ardor will run out quickly and then you will rivet one page in a week and all this will drag on for a long time.
Secondly, again, the beauty of the word and the general attractiveness of the text will suffer, because how you described this “hangar”, well, damn it, never looks cool. The man found himself to hell with where, but he should almost spill everything out there with his hands, and you must describe this whole process colorful.
And so, by the way, small stories are very easily written and make them high -quality much easier than voluminous.
And so, the idea is quite buzzing. I do not really approve of science fiction, but if you manage to create a good atmosphere of complete madness and misunderstanding of what is happening by the hero, then the flag is in your hands and good luck)

And this is ِ alpha, then there will be images, and explanations and answers to questions that I myself would ask as a third -party reader. All this will be.

I will still try to realize this plot until the ardor you mentioned has reached “no”. Thanks for the tips and criticism)

Well, who wanted, he spoke out. Even two people. When I add, then I will post the “robbed” option)

Alfa is good for games to remove bugs, and in writing it is better to immediately lay out a pilot, but already polished material to attract people, and you can rather push it away. IMHO like, yeah)